UNEASY 
LIES 

A Comedy 




UNEASY 
LIES 

A Comedy 
for one act 

h 

LAWRENCE KENNEDY 



Privately printed 



t^v^ 



Copyright ig2i 

by 

Lawrence Kennedy 



This play is copyrighted and may 

be used for acting only with the 

permission of the author^ Lawrence 

Kennedy, Hinsdale, Illinois. 

€)C;.3 57886 



To M.B.K. 



UNEASY LIES 

A Comedy 

When the curtain rises we will discover Betty Trellis at 
the piano. Betty is the daughter of John and Julia Trellis — 
a very good daughter, to both. And that is a fine accomplish- 
ment, for it requires a diverse education. 

Julia is fascinating, impulsive, and sensible to a degree 
that stops on the side of a justifiable selfishness — not that 
she is really selfish, but she indulges herself in the pleasures 
of getting the things she desires, always, of course, graciously. 
She is young and attractive. She is young because, like 
Lady Bracknel, she decided ten years ago that thirty-five 
is a nice age to remain at. She is attractive for the same 
reason. 

Until now she has never dreamed- that Betty's ideas did 
not reflect her own. Betty always has been a dutiful and 
companionable daughter, insofar as her mother would re- 
quire duty and companionship from her. But not to the 
point of allowing them to interfere with a development of 
character that makes her a little keener and more lovable. 

Betty has purchased a remarkable poise and insight very 
cheaply. For the things that many ladies might be willing 
to give many more years, she has expended only twenty-two. 
It is a great bargain in feminine charm. If we were permitted 
to know Betty's father, John TrelHs, more intimately, we 
might suspect the source of some of the qualities that con- 
stitute that charm. It is quite possible that he has neglected 
his business sufficiently to give Betty a tip or two. It would 
be just like him ; and it would be just like her to turn to good 
advantage any tip he would give her. She always has had 
faith in his judgment — ever since that day, fifteen years ago, 
when, alone and unaided, he discovered that Polly Ann, her 
youngest doll, would be more presentable with a new and un- 
cracked head, which he at once provided. He was right about 
that, and he never has failed her since. 



Uneasy Betty's heart has so far remained whole because she 

Lies never has found any one else with so fine an appreciation of 

the value of uncracked heads. Don't expect her to fall in 

love, for there is no one in the play, that we know of, that 

she might like well enough for that. 

True, there is Billy Trainor, but she seems to be quite 
sure about him. Billy, a very good friend of the family, is a 
young professor at the University. He is about thirty-five, 
not quite young enough to be serious and not old enough to 
be sedate. He is a possible fellow, but, Betty thinks, too 
clever. He adores Julia Trellis, so he tells the family. There 
is no secret about that. He likes to play at being her slave. 
He would like to marry Betty if she would have him, perhaps 
just so that he might have Julia for his mother-in-law. So 
you see, he really is devoted to her. 

The curtain is about to rise. When it does we shall see a 
comfortable living-room of the Trellis Family. John Trellis, 
being a successful attorney, has left nothing undone to make 
it so. Because of its placing we shall note on the davenport 
a brightly bound book. The book is there because it is impor- 
tant that it should be there. 

Betty is at the piano playing over a waltz, probably a 
Brahms waltz, because she is fond of Brahms. 

Four other characters will appear in the play. Mr. 
Artemus Day, a publisher, two officers, and the Trellis maid. 

The time is just before dinner. 

Julia comes in, apparently in search of something she has 
mislaid. 

JULIA Betty, have you seen my book? That new one 

I was reading. 
BETTY {continuing the waltz) Do you mean the one 

on the davenport there, mother? {indicating 

position of book by a turn of her head.) 

{Julia takes up the book and sits on the davenport 

to read. Betty plays.) 
JULIA Has your father come in? 
BETTY Yes, he has gone to his room. 
JULIA And probably will be late to dinner. He is 

writing, I suppose? 
BETTY Yes, I think he is. He said he wanted a few 

minutes alone before dinner. 



JULIA 
BETTY 

JULIA 

BETTY 

JULIA 
BETTY 

JULIA 

BETTY 

JULIA 

BETTY 

JULIA 

BETTY 

JULIA 
BETTY 

BETTY 
JULIA 



BETTY 
JULIA 



BETTY 



For a man who is not literary your father cer- 
tainly does a vast amount of writing. 

There is a vast amount of writing done by people 

who are not literary. But, mother, you must 

not object to his finding pleasure in it. 

It's all right, I suppose, dear, for him to indulge 

in that simple pastime. But he takes himself 

so seriously. 

Perhaps if we should take him more seriously 

he would not have all that w^ork to do. 

What work, Betty? 

Taking himself so seriously. 

{Julia looks a question at her daughter and turns 

to her hook — Betty to the piano.) 

Billy is coming for dinner, you know. 

Yes? (unconcerned) 

I told him he might run in early. 

Why? 

Betty, I think it a shame the way you treat Billy. 

I think it would be shameful to treat him any 
other way. It might be misleading. 

Billy is a very nice, clever boy. 

Yes, almost too clever. 

{Julia gives up and returns to her book.) 

What is your absorbing book, mother? 

It is that book your father brought home 
yesterday {reading the title), "Better Women, the 
Story of Helen Dale. " There is no author given . 
It has been published anonymously. I think 
you had better not read it, Betty, not yet. 
Oh, that book! I have read it, mother. 

(shocked) As your mother, I must ask you, 
Betty, to be more exclusive in the selection of 
your reading. This book is — well, it is not con- 
sidered to be highly moral. 

Oh, mother, are you reading it that w^ay too? 
Don't believe what they are saying about it. 
It's a good book, but you should not take it 
so seriously. Not that way, I mean. 



Uneasy 

Lies 



Uneasy JULIA 
Lies BETTY 

JULIA 
BETTY 



JULIA 
BETTY 

MAID 
JULIA 



BILLY 
JULIA 

BILLY 

BETTY 



JULIA 
BILLY 

JULIA 



BILLY 



But it is serious, Betty. 

Yes, it is serious. But the ideas were not meant 
for you, mother. 

Betty! 

At least, you should not confuse them. Yester- 
day I heard someone say that woman to-day, 
the so-called emancipated woman, set in the 
complexities of the new days of readjustment of 
relations, is like a transplanted flower that must 
turn and twist on itself until it finds itself with 
its face to the sun again. That is what — 

Betty, you talk like your father. 

{half to herself) I wish I could. 

{The maid appears and speaks to Mrs. Trellis.) 

Mr. Trainor is here. 

Ask him to come right in here, Nancy. 

{Before the 7naid can turn to ask him, Billy 

Trainor bounds into the room past her. The 

maid leaves.) 

Very good of you to allow me to come. 

I thought you w^ould like to know John's friend, 

Mr. Day, the publisher. He is having dinner 

with us, too, this evening. 

That's fine. And Betty, you're wonderful. 

Didn't think you'd speak to me again after 

last night. 

I am glad to see you, Billy. If you will excuse 

me I'll see if father is coming. {Betty draws away 

from. Billy toivard door at left and goes out. 

Billy stands looking at the door.) 

{severely) What happened last night, Billy? 

{shaking off the spell) Oh, just the usual thing. 

I proposed, and Betty refused me again. 

You're incorrigible. If I didn't know you were 

a good boy I should scold you. I think I should 

approve it if Betty did like you, but Betty is 

young. {Julia sits on davenport — Billy is by the 

table at the left.) 

{m,ock seriously) Mrs. TrelHs, you do not know 

your child. Betty was at least a thousand years 

old last night, {groiving serious) She talked 



JULIA 



BILLY 

JULIA 
BILLY 



JULIA 



BILLY 
JULIA 

BILLY 



JULIA 
BILLY 



JULIA 

BILLY 
JULIA 

BILLY 



JULIA 
BILLY 
JULIA 



to me like a mother. And she was right, too. 
Where does she get her ideas? 
Perhaps she reads things she should not — like 
this, {picking up the copy of Helen Dale.) 
{Billy crosses to Julia.) 

Oh, you have a copy of that? Do you know 
what they are saying about that book? 
I can suspect. 

That it is malicious, immoral^a mine of Greek 
fire under the foundations of our most sacred 
institutions. The critics are quite wild about it. 
Oh, is it as bad as that? {rising and taking the 
book from Billy — holding it close) It must be 
good. {Julia sits in the chair beside the table on 
the left. Billy is by the table on her left.) 
Bad. To the moralists, yes. 
The moralists? That doesn't exclude us, does 
it? 

I said the moralists. There is a difference be- 
tween being moral and being a moralist. You 
remember what Helen Dale says about them? 
A moralist is one who has grown tired of his 
vices or never has had the ability to enjoy them. 
Isn't that putting it a trifle strong? 
Perhaps. But you must remember her provoca- 
tion. She may have leaned backward on that. 
{During this conversation until Billy, Julia is 
enjoying her feminine prerogative of Tnaking her- 
self attractive to the susceptible masculine.) 
Have you heard any speculation as to who wrote 
this book? 

No one seems to know who Helen Dale is. 
Don't you imagine it may have been written 
by a man? 

I am quite sure it was. No woman ever had 
as clear thoughts concerning the virtues of her 
sex as Helen Dale has. 
That is slanderous, Billy. 
Not intended to be. 

{thoughtfully) Perhaps men do believe in us 
more than we do ourselves. 



Uneasy 
Lies 



U7ieasij BILLY 
Lies 

JULIA 



BILLY 
JULIA 
BILLY 



JULIA 
BILLY 

JULIA 

BILLY 
JULIA 



BILLY 
JULIA 

BILLY 



JULIA 

BILLY 
JULIA 



My dear Mrs. Trellis, if we did not, you women 
would enjoy very little faith. 

I suppose I should like that, although it is a 
doubtful compliment — no, I'll not accept it as 
a compliment. It is an admission of weakness. 
You can't help liking us. 

Putting it that way is the most direct, if not 
the most charitable. I admit the weakness. 

And do you, Mr. Wiseman, know why we like 

you? 

Woman's instinct allows her two attitudes 

toward man. He is either her child or her 

father. She wants someone to pet or someone 

to pet her. When she finds the man who is 

both child and father to her all the gods of 

Olympus cannot stop her admiration for him. 

That imputes no very high motive for a woman's 

affection. 

But I think it does. It's basic, natural — and 

the quality that makes women good. Also it 

is what a man would most desire. Helen Dale 

knew that. 

Do you mean to tell me, Billy Trainor, that you 

would like to be petted? {She fats his hand 

and rises.) 

I might pretend to resent it, but I should like 

it. We always do. 

Yes, you are quite a baby, Billy. {Julia is 

quite co7iscious of her prerogative.) But I would 

not want to have you a spoiled baby. 

You are petting me now. 

{innocently) Oh, am I? It's not so very difficult 

to pet you, Billy. 

But, Mrs. TrelHs, I don't want to be petted. 

And, even if I did — but, you must not. You 

have to — {drawing away) 

Now, now, not that. You may play the baby 

part but not the father. No — 

I— 

No, no advice, please. {Julia goes to davenport 

and Billy foUoivs.) That would be too much. 



10 



Come, sit down. Tell me about yourself. How 
did you enjoy the concert last evening? Are 
you writing anything new for the review? Those 
are wonderful articles. I thoroughly absorbed 
your last one, ''The Evolution of Eve" I think 
it was called. 
BILLY I am glad you liked it. Betty suggested the 
idea to me. Hope she liked the way I handled it. 

JULIA She raved about it, Billy. 

BILLY Oh, then she liked it. 

JULIA No, quite the contrary. 

BILLY {dejectedly) I hoped she would like it. Perhaps 
sometime I can do something she likes. 

JULIA (picking up the copy of Helen Dale) Who do you 
think wrote this book? 

BILLY What does John think about it? 

JULIA Oh, John doesn't know anything about such 
things. Who do you think wrote it? 

BILLY I'd rather not try to guess. (Billy is rather 
indifferent to this discussion.) 

JULIA Billy, I think you do know\ 

BILLY It may have been written by someone we know. 

JULIA Billy, you do know. 

BILLY No, I— 

JULIA Look at me, I have an idea. Who did this? 
(Billy does 7iot answer her. He has turned away 
from her. Julia mistakes his attitude, believing 
that he is trying to evade the question. She leans 
over to Billy, turns him about and looks straight 
at him as she speaks.) 

JULIA Billy, I knew it. I suspected it when you first 
began to talk about Helen Dale's ideas. You 
wrote this book! 

(Billy is staggered by this, and Julia ■misinterprets 
his surprise as an attempt to conceal ivhat she 
wants to believe to be true. Billy stutters some 
incoherent ansiver.) 

JULIA Don't try to deny it. Don't you think I know 
your style? It is like you — and after your 
speeches about the book — I'm proud of you, 
Billy Trainor. 



Uneasy 
Lies 



11 



Uneasy 
Lies 



JULIA 
BILLY 
JULIA 



JOHN 
BILLY 



JOHN 
BILLY 



JOHN 
BILLY 



JOHN 
BILLY 

JOHN 



{Billy again attempts to speak, ivith no result.) 
It's no use. You are discovered. Shall I keep 
the secret, Billy? No, you must let me tell 
them. They will be proud of you, too. 
(Vague protests from Billy.) 

You will let me tell them, won't you? 

Oh, yes, tell them. Tell them anything. 

(going out) I'll send Betty to you. (She goes out.) 
(Billy begins to think seriously of the situation 
that Julia has put him in. He paces the floor, 
picks up the hook, looks at it, and tosses it back 
on the table. John Trellis comes in unobserved 
and watches Billy.) 

Why the caged lion imitation, Billy? 

(surprised) Oh, good evening, John, (shakes 
hands) I am a caged lion. And I don't want 
to be. But the lion tamer wouldn't listen to 
reason. 

Let's have it without the metaphor. What is 
your trouble? 

It's a foolish situation. I allowed — well — your 

wife has discovered that I wrote that book. 

(indicating the book on the table) That that 

book was written by me. 

(John shows surprise.) 

Don't look surprised. I did not write it. 

(positively) I know you did not, Billy. 

That evidently is not intended as a compliment. 
But I am glad you believe it. Please find Mrs. 
Trellis at once and disillusion her. I thought 
at first it might be amusing to allow her to 
think she knew the author of Helen Dale, 
but it will not do. She will insist on telling 
all the people who are coming in this evening. 
Please go and explain it to her. Tell her I 
did not write the book. I do not want to carry 
the joke any farther. 
I wish you would carry it farther, Billy. 
Are you trying to make fun of me? I really 
didn't want her to believe it. 
Listen to me, Billy. I do want you to carry 



12 



your part through. I'll tell you why. Because 
I wrote that book. 

BILLY You! 

JOHN (Motioning to Billy to be seated— they sit down.) 

For a long time I have fought a desire to meddle 
with matters that rightly belong in your province, 
the province of you teachers of sociology. But 
the desire mastered me and I was compelled 
to set down my convictions about certain things. 
This book is the result of observations of many 
years. My profession as a lawyer has brought 
to me many experiences that convinced me of 
the necessity of some social readjustments. 
Indifference and the smug attitude toward both 
the evils and the finer things of life have touched 
me deeply. I have wanted to strike at it. And 
I have, where it was possible in the course of 
my business. Because I have made my work 
a success I am encouraged to believe that the 
influence is appreciated. So I could not longer 
resist the desire to add my small contribution 
to a good work. I suppose it is presumptions, 
but I had to do it. 

BILLY I believe your contribution will be taken serious- 
ly, John. It is convincing. 

JOHN It should be. The story of Helen Dale is true. 
And there are many Helen Dales. Some of them 
will come through all right, and some of them, 
less blessed, will flounder in their error. I'd like 
to help them. 

BILLY I think you will. The book will become widely 
known, [rising) But why do you want me 
to carry on this deception— to pose as the writer 
of it? 

JOHN There are several people coming in this evening, 
all of whom I know have read Helen Dale. My 
wife has discovered that you are the author of 
Helen Dale. You are going to allow her to 
tell them that. And I am going to look on — 
observe the comments about the book without 
the author's embarrassment. 

BILLY It will be a great honor to assume that embar- 



Uneasy 
Lies 



13 



Uneasy rassment. I'll go through with the joke if it 

Lies will please you. But why did you put the book 

out without your name? It would bring you 
a high place among the best writers. 

JOHN I wrote the book, as I told you, because I felt 
I had to. But authorship with its usual per- 
quisites of adulation and cant do not appeal to 
me. I am quite satisfied to have done the work 
if it is good. 
{Julia and Betty come in.) 

JULIA (to Jolm) Has Billy told you, John? 

JOHN Yes, he has confessed his weakness. 

JULIA Isn't it wonderful? (beaming on Billy) I always 
knew he w^ould write a best seller. It is such a 
fine achievement. 

BETTY (ivith a suggestion of a mocking tone) Yes, isn't it. 

BILLY You are all very kind to me. It is more than 
I expected. 

BETTY I dare say it is. (designedly) Now, Billy, you 
can help to clear up some of the dubious ideas 
of Helen Dale, those things your critics have 
objected to. She says — '^My unfortunate experi- 
ences I cast out of my mind. They have served 
their purpose." There seems to be no desire to 
atone her error. Should she not at least have 
shown a little regret? 

BILLY (floundering) Well, I wanted to show — you see 
she — I had — 

JOHN (interrupting) She philosophically mastered re- 
gret. She knew — 

JULIA John, please do not interrupt Billy, (to Billy) 
Do go on. 

BILLY No — regret had no place in her philosophy. She 
knew — {stumbling) she knew — 

JOHN She knew that there was no constructive value 
in regret, and the building of — 

JULIA (severely) John! 

(Betty, having pushed Billy into the sea of explana- 
tion, has stepped aside to enjoy the fun of his 
feeble efforts to keep afloat.) 

BILLY Yes — the building of — there is — the building of — 



14 



JOHN The building of her character is her chief con- 
cern. And she knows that sentimental regret 
contributes nothing to that. 

JULIA (reprimanding) John, you seem to know consid- 
erable about Helen Dale's ideas. 

JOHN Yes, my dear, I have given them some thought. 

JULIA But would it not be better to allow the author 
to expound those ideas? 

JOHN Undoubtedly, my dear. 

{Maid enters and speaks to Mr. Trellis.) 

MAID Mr. Day has come. 

JOHN Yes, Nancy. Please ask him to wait for me 
in the library. 
{Maid goes out.) 

JOHN (to the company) If you will excuse me for a 
minute I should like a word with Mr. Day. We 
shall be right in. Watch your crown, Billy. 
(He goes toward the door.) 

JULIA John is trying at times. It is really quite diffi- 
cult to be married to him. 

JOHN (overhearing) My dear, you must admit that I 
married much better than you did. (He goes out.) 

BETTY You have made it all very clear to me, Mr. 
Trainor. I can understand now Helen Dale's 
attitude. She looked on her past experiences as 
one would consider the chips of marble that 
fall beneath the chisel of the sculptor, and are 
lost in the wonder of the developing form of the 
sculpture. 

BILLY That is very beautiful, Betty. I wish that were 
in the book. 

BETTY It is, Billy. (Billy looks at her wonderingly .) 

JULIA But, Billy, why didn't you publish the book 
under your name and take the glory it will 
bring to the writer? You are not ashamed of 
your book, I hope. 

BILLY No, I — well, I could not endure authorship with 
its usual perquisites of adulation and cant. 

BETTY Be assured you will get no insincere praise from 
me for your work. But it must be very grati- 



Uneasy 
Lies 



15 



Uneasy 

Lies BILLY 

BETTY 



BILLY 
JULIA 



BILLY 
JULIA 
BILLY 

JULIA 



JOHN 



DAY 

BILLY 

JOHN 

JULIA 
JOHN 



fying to feel that you are a successful writer. 

I can't deceive you, Betty, I feel quite like a 
thief. 

Oh, you should not feel that. Plagiarism is not 
a crime these days. You have only used to 
advantage the best things that have come your 
way. 

That is kind. 

{to Betty) If your father gets started on one of 
those lengthy discussions with Mr. Day I am 
afraid we shall not see them for awhile, {to 
Billy) Does Mr. Day know that you are the 
author of the great book he has published? 

No. John attended to the details for me. 

John did? And told me nothing of it. 

It was supposed to be a secret, Mrs. Trellis. 

{John comes in with Artemus Day, the ^publisher.) 

Good evening, Mr. Day, we are glad to have 

you with us. 

{Greetings are exchanged between Mrs. Trellis 

and her daughter and Mr. Day.) 

And this is Mr. William Trainor, Mr. Day, with 

whom I believe you will have some business to 

discuss, {to Billy) 1 have explained to Mr. Day, 

Billy, that you have acknowledged authorship 

of Helen Dale. 

I am indeed glad to see you, Mr. Trainor, and 

congratulate you. 

{hesitating, and looking at John) Thanks, Mr. 

Day. 

Mr. Day has some important matter to consider 

in relation to the book. He expected to talk 

it over with me, but since the author is here he 

may discuss it directly with him. 

{starting to leave) I'll give you about fifteen 

minutes. Dinner will be served then. Come 

Betty. 

No, you may stay. I think Billy will not object 

to share his glory. Tell him, Mr. Day. 

{The men sit about the table. Julia and Betty 

on the davenport.) 



16 



DAY I shall be as brief as possible. I need not tell 

you of the great success the book is having. 
It is going to be the leader of best sellers. And 
the moving picture people are interested in it. 
{He pauses for the effect of that. Betty shows 
disgust.) The Gilt Edge Film Corporation has 
authorized me to offer you a contract for the 
screen rights of the story of Helen Dale. {Julia 
is triwn'phant.) And for that right they allow 
me to offer you a payment of one hundred 
thousand dollars, to be paid— 

BILLY {jum.'ping to his feet and af pealing to John) This 
will not do. I — 

DAY They might make it one hundred and twenty- 

five thousand. Yes, I may promise that. 

BILLY Mr. Day, I cannot consider. I — 

DAY One hundred and fifty thousand is their ultimate 

figure, Mr. Trainor. 

BILLY But I cannot sign a contract. Not now. I 
should like to think more about this, {looking 
at John.) 

JOHN You had better take it, Billy. I have read 
over the contract and will vouch for its proper 
order. 

{John takes the contract that Day has produced, 
glances at it, and places it on the table before Billy.) 
You may sign it. 
{Julia can restrain herself no longer.) 

JULIA John, would it not be better to allow Billy to 
make his own decision? 

JOHN Surely, my dear {offering the pen to Billy), he has 
decided to sign it. 

DAY It is a very handsome figure, Mrs. Trellis. Very 

few works could command it. 
BETTY Very few works would deserve it, you know, 

Mr. Day. I cannot bear to think what they 

will do with Helen Dale, with their closeups 

and vulgar captions. 
DAY Then you do not approve the motion pictures, 

Miss Trellis? 
BETTY Approve them — I detest them, what they are 



Uneasy 
Lies 



17 



Uneasy doing with them. Someone has called them the 

Lies world's greatest failure. And it is so, with 

their possible fields, the open fields of great 
literature, what have they done? They have 
crawled through the filthy alleys picking at the 
refuse. 

DAY You are quite severe. Miss Trellis. I agree 

with you in a measure. But I do believe that 
material like Helen Dale can be turned to the 
advantage of better pictures. The industry is 
still young and we need such things to assist 
in raising the standards. 

BETTY Perhaps, but they will not use it that way. 
They will turn it into erotic trash wdth no value 
as good entertainment or useful instruction. 

JOHN I believe it is in the contract, is it not, Mr. Day, 
that the plaj^ would be produced in strict accord- 
ance with the author's suggestions? 

DAY That is made quite clear. 

JOHN I think you may safely sign, Billy. 
{Maid enters, speaks to Mr. Trellis.) 

MAID Mr. Day is wanted at the telephone. 

JOHN Yes, we will excuse you, Mr. Day. (Day goes 
out to the telephone.) 

{John and Billy concern themselves with the con- 
tract, which Billy is seen to sign.) 

JULIA Betty, you must try to control your radical 
notions. The pictures are not so bad. I saw 
a picture the other day that was quite refreshing 
and sweet. 

BETTY Yes, mother, I know that kind— the kind in 
which the films are dipped in sugar water to 
preserve the sticky atmosphere. 

JULIA You are hopelessly like your father, Betty. 

JOHN {rising with Billy and speaking to him) Very 

good, that fixes that. Too much care cannot 
be taken to avoid the objectionable features 
that Betty fears in a work of this kind. We 
must watch that carefully. 

JULIA We? And has Billy appointed you his film 
censor? 



18 



BILLY It is quite all— 

JOHN Yes, Billy has asked me to assist him in the 

production. 
BETTY You could not get along without him, could you, 

Billy? 
JULIA (su/hing) And I find it difficult to get along- 

with him. 

(Day comes back showing some irritation.) 

JULIA You appear worried, Mr. Day. Anything 

serious? 
DAY Very annoying. My secretary just tells me 

that the government is interfering with the 
circulation of our book. In fact, he has received 
an order, he says a very definite order concerning 
it. It is suppressed. 

ALL Suppressed ! 

Dx\Y But the worst is to come. Two gentlemen from 

the Department of Interference are on the way 
here to interview the author and me. 

BILLY But why that honor? 

DAY My secretary says that we were guilty of dis- 

regarding some important order. What the 
order is I do not know. I received no order. 
But Helen Dale is killed. 

BETTY (rising) Oh, the bunglers. This is the land of 
freedom — freedom for the little minded critics 
who never could serve art. Art must serve 
them in bondage — wash their soiled linen and 
do their little tasks, Alwaj^s they condemn 
what they cannot understand. I was afraid that 
Helen Dale was too fine to be taken seriously. 

BILLY {trying to lighten the situatiori) The govern- 
ment seems to have taken it seriously enough. 

BETTY Yes, that is the supreme beauty of it. The 
seal of the government is put on the death 
warrant of art. Cranks and crazy critics are 
allowed to rant and tear at the structure of 
government. Expensive departments are created 
to counteract the damage. And art — art, that 
might help it all, is dismissed, turned over to the 
censorship of a Comstockian prudery. 



Uneasy 
Lies 



19 



Uneasy JOHN 
Lies 

JULIA 

DAY 



MAID 



We must not expect too much. Taking the 
fine things seriously is not one of our national 
characteristics. 

Just what do these gentlemen who are coming 
to visit us expect to accomplish? 

What they accomplish is unimportant to them. 
They are only the dull instruments of the 
doddering doctors of righteousness. 
{The maid enters.) 

Two gentlemen who insist on seeing Mr. Day 
at once. 



JOHN 



I shall speak to the gentlemen. 
{The maid leaves, and before John reaches the 
door on his ivay out to greet the gentlemen, they 
appear in the doorway. One of these emissaries 
looks and endeavors to act like a gentleman. The 
other feels the importayice of his mission so keenly, 
knows so well how much depends on him, that 
like most of the custodians of morals, he has no 
time for the refinemerits and ma7iners. He is a 
ludicrous figure, a typification of the organized effort 
to make virtue odious. They impressively decorate 
the doorway. The second gentleman wears his hat; 
all turn toioard the gentlemen.) 

JOHN Come in, gentlemen. Mr. Day has advised us 
of your visit. 
{The gentlemen come in.) 

FIRST We are extremely sorry to intrude at this time. 

GENTLEMAN 

SECOND But we got our orders, ain't we? 

GENTLEMAN 

FIRST Yes, Griggs. We'll come to that in due course. 
G. Remember this is goverjiment business, {indicates 

to Second Gentleman to remove his hat.) 

JOHN With no intention of hurrying you, gentlemen, 
may I ask you to give us a suggestion of the 
purpose of your visit? 

FIRST We shall be pleased to enter into the unpleasant 
G. business when we have ascertained the identity 

of— 

SECOND What we got to knoAv is, who is the pubHsher 
G. 



20 



FIRST 

G. 

DAY 

JOHN 

JULIA 

BILLY 



JOHN 

JULIA 

SECOND 

G. 

DAY 



FIRST 
G. 



BILLY 



JOHN 

BILLY 
JULIA 
BILLY 



of this vile, corrupting book, and who is this 
su-du-ni-um? 

Easy, Griggs. 

I am Artemus Day, the pubHsher of the vile, 
corrupting book. At your service, gentlemen. 
And I am the writer of it. I am the su-du-ni-um. 

John! Please be serious. 

{Going across to take position between John and 
the ge7itlemen.) 

Don't confuse these gentlemen, John. Their 
task is heavy enough. Allow me to go on with 
this. I am the author of the book in question. 

Billy, since this unpleasant feature has developed 
I must insist on taking over this business. 

John, perhaps if you would allow these men to 
deliver their message to Mr. Trainor — 

Yes, let us arrive at the unpleasant business. 
Who is the author? 

Would it not be advisable to meet me at my 

office with the author, to go over this unpleasant 

business? 

I regret to say that our orders request us to 

dispose of it immediately. (Billy is seen to be 

cou7iting out some bills. He surreptitiously displays 

them to the gentlemen.) 

It might be advisable and to your advantage to 
postpone your investigation. 
(Billy has succeeded in placing m.oney in the hand 
of the Second Gentleman, who, during the following 
conversation, turns away to count it. He divides it, 
giving the First Gentleman half of it.) 

(to Billy) Allow me to handle the gentlemen, 
Billy. I think I can convince them that they are 
in error. 

You have done your part, John. Let me do some- 
thing now. 

Yes, for goodness sake, do allow Billy to do some- 
thing. You are only complicating the matter. 
Gentlemen — 



Uneasy 
Lies 



21 



Uneasy SECOND 
Lies G. 

BILLY 

FIRST 

G. 

SECOND 

G. 



FIRST 
G. 



SECOND 
G. 

JOHN 

FIRST 

G. 



DAY 



SECOND 
G. 



FIRST 
G. 



Stop — no more evasion. We must come to a 
complete understanding. 
I think — I think — 

It is our duty to warn you that if you think it 
will be used against you. 

We come here as officers of the law in the line 
of our duty. What do we meet with — what, I 
ask you? {He turns about to look at the money 
Billy has given him..) 

Yes, what? Corruption. That's what Vv^e find. 
Do you think we can be turned from the path of 
our duty? Do you think the guardians of virtue 
can be bought — 

So cheaply, {looking at the money.) 
{Billy is preparing to give more bills to the gentle- 
men.) 

Very well. We shall listen to you now. 
You probably have gathered from our presence 
here at this time that we come on very serious 
business. {The second gentleman has accepted the 
second offering from Billy.) There are certain 
things that the custodians of our morals cannot 
countenance. I refer, as you undoubtedly know, 
to the malicious promulgation of those immoral 
ideas that so many of our free thinkers are 
promulgating by the written word. Art must 
be curbed. Too much pleasure may result from 
its enjoyment. Art — 

Is this declamation included in your orders, sir? 
{looking over a paper he has drawn from his 
pocket.) 

No, there don't seem to be no mention of a 
declamation here. But he knows his business. 
{He slips part of the second money into the hand 
of the First Gentleman.) 

I certainly do know my business. {He turns to 
inspect the bills in his hatid.) But I do not want 
to inconvenience you people. If you feel that 
we could more expeditiously conduct this busi- 
ness in your office in the m.orning I feel induced 
to grant you that. And I may say that I hope 
to convince my chief that your book is not all 



22 



DAY 

FIRST 

G. 

SECOND 

G. 

DAY 
JOHN 

JULIA 

BETTY 

JOHN 

BETTY 
JOHN 
BETTY 
JULIA 

JOHN 

JULIA 
BILLY 



JULIA 

JOHN 

JULIA 



JOHN 



they think it is. In fact, it has possibiUties. 
{looking at the money) May we call on Mr. 
Day in the morning? 

Yes, I shall be glad to assist you with your report. 

Then we shall bid you good evening. Come, 
Griggs. 

I don't know yet who the su-du-ni-um is. But 
whoever he is, he done a pretty good thing, 
I'll say. Good night. {They start out.) 
May I see the gentlemen out? 

Yes, thank you, Mr. Day. {Day and the Gentle- 
men go out.) 

Now, John, I want to know what your connec- 
tion with this book is. 

{going to her father) I think the time has come 
to tell them, father, I am quite ready now. 

You are sure, my Betty? {He puts his arm 
around Betty.) 

Quite sure. 

And you want Billy to know? 

Yes. 

What on earth are you driving at? What has 

Betty to do with Helen Dale? 

Julia, my dear, Billy will tell you who wrote 

Helen Dale. 

Well, Billy? 

I am proud to tell you Mrs. Trellis, that this 
book {'picking up hook) was written by John 
Trellis, your husband. 

{Betty has turned and stands by the piano behind 
John and Julia looking up stage. If we ivere 
permitted to see her face we might suspect that 
she has touched a tear from her cheek.) 
Is this true, John? 
It is, my dear. 

{throwing herself into John's arms) John, for- 
give me. I am proud of you. Did Betty know 
this? 

Yes. Come, Juha, I shall tell you about it. 
{They go out.) 



Uneasy 
Iacs 



23 



Uneasy 
Lies 



BILLY 
BETTY 
BILLY 
BETTY 

BILLY 
BETTY 



BILLY 



{Betty is at the piano again playing the waltz. 

Billy comes over to stand in the curve of the piano.) 

So you knew your father wrote Helen Dale? 

{stops playing) Yes, I helped him with it. 

You helped him? 

Yes, I helped him because I knew the story of 

Helen Dale. 

But how could you know that? 

Because I knew her unfortunate experience. 

{rising) I am Helen Dale. 

{Billy looks steadily at Betty for a moment, then 

leans toward her offering her his hands.) 

Betty! 

{Betty lays her hands willingly in Billyhs hands.) 



Curtain 



24 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




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